God called today. He was really pissed.

He has created this amazing, “completely lifelike world” (His words) for His believers to live in, but many of them are completely dismissive of His Magnificent Creation. Me: “No?!… What do you mean, ‘dismissive’?”

Well to make a long story short, God has apparently seen a bunch of His so-called “believers” ignore the evidence He has planted firmly in front of them. Abundant evidence that evolution is the Work of God. “Evolution is Real, dammit all! What more do I have to do to convince them?” (again, His words). I won’t repeat His entire tirade verbatim, but at one point He did specifically mention the Creation Museum

Yeah, God called today, and He was clearly torqued. For a solid fifteen minutes I tried to talk Him down to a calmer place, but He wasn’t having it. Eventually (as God is wont to do) he boiled over: “You know what?” He said, “these people don’t deserve to go to Heaven.”

“Sorry”, I implored, “I don’t want to sound disrespectful, but maybe that judgment is just a wee bit harsh?” I argued that maybe these people were not really qualified to evaluate His evidence, or maybe they were confused by the, umm, plentiful ambiguity in His scriptures. Or hey, maybe it’s even the case that these people are idiots… but do they really deserve to go to Hell just because they don’t believe in all of His signs testifying to the veracity of evolution??

God was definitely in a hardball mood. “F@#$ ‘EM“, He thundered. “If these piss-ants don’t believe My Word when it smacks them upside the head then I’m sending ‘em to Hell. DISCUSSION OVER.” Click.

Ouchers… Sorry, folks, but I guess I have my marching orders.

All creationists please raise your hand.